CARMEN MIRANDA WASA HEAD OF HER TIMEby Wendel James PotterNovember 22, 2006
I couldn’t believe this conversation was taking place between two grown men. The other day I was actually asking my son:
“Are you Ocean Breeze?”
“No,” he replied. “You’re Ocean Breeze. I’m Waterfall Mist.”
My son is a working man who lives (and, fortunately, bathes) at home. Since he pays for his own grooming products, I’m careful not to use his stuff.
May the manufacturers of Suave shampoo forgive any trademark infringements here. Ocean Breeze and Waterfall Mist are the - well, formulas, I guess you’d call them - of two Suave shampoos.
After I’d washed my hair on more than one occasion with latherings of Ocean Breeze, I curiously read the label on the plastic bottle. I was aghast to find that Ocean Breeze contains sea algae extract and Vitamin E!
Algae, for God’s sake? I just want to have clean hair, not grow a head of moss!
And why do I need Vitamin E in my hair? At one time, Vitamin E was all the rage because it was said to reinvigorate a man’s sexual desire, kind of like a mild forerunner of Viagra. So now I’m afraid that if I’m aroused sexually, my hair will suddenly stand up.
But the real point here is this: why can’t the marketing powers that be in this country leave well enough alone?
What was wrong with the standard old Suave shampoo? Why must shampoo - especially shampoo used by virile, macho, Vitamin E swilling men - have special scents and stylish names? Like Ocean Breeze and Waterfall Mist?
Maybe it’s my generation - I was born while Truman was still president (and he had no hair) - but I feel foolish buying shampoo with sea algae and vitamins and a sissy name. But what choice do I have? This is what Suave has to offer.
To compound the problem, Suave has about the best price out there on the shampoo stands today. I am and always will be a frugal bargain hunter. It boils down to this: if I can save a buck, I’ll shower in a freakin’ rain forest.
Shampoo, however, is not the only product to undergo such changes. Liquid dishwashing soap is another example.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s pretty hard to pick up a squeeze bottle of Joy or Palmolive dishwashing liquid that hasn’t been fruited! Yes! These soaps now have a fruit-based fragrance whether it’s lemon, orange (with Vitamin C, no doubt), or strawberry.
I can’t decide whether I’m picking out soap or a Jamaican fruit salad. Hey! Maybe I don’t want my coffee mug smelling like a lemon grove.
I’ve noticed, too, that spray deodorants are following suit. You don’t even need cologne or aftershave anymore. A couple of quick shots under each armpit and you can smell like anything from a freshly powdered infant to a chocolate éclair. You make the choice.
I wonder: what was so bad about the old days when you got out of the shower smelling just plain squeaky clean instead of like an ocean breeze; when you washed your dishes to a spotless shine and you hoped they didn’t smell like anything; when your armpits smelled like…well you get the picture.
Those were the good old days when soap was soap, fruit was fruit, and you took your vitamins from a bottle.
Copyright 2006 Wendel James Potter
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