TABLE FOR NONE
by Wendel Potter
February 12, 2006
Like me, you've no doubt seen the slug of public service announcements on television featuring celebrities plugging togetherness at the family dinner table. It's not a bad idea and families should heed the endorsement. But they won't.
It's a Hectic World and the United States surely must be the World Leader in this category. Where else on the planet is Stress worn as a badge of honor?
What with Baby Gym workouts, play dates, dance, soccer, vollyeball, basketball, Scouts, school studies, cheerleading, chorus, church, church youth group, drama, school newspaper staff, yearbook staff, prom committee, part-time job, community service, and a whole lot more stuff I've left out, there's no time to eat a home-cooked meal let alone sit down at the table with Good Ol' Mom and Dad for some chow and a little happy patter.
You might as well consider the scheduling that today's American family imposes on itself and not bother buying a table and chairs for the dining room. Then you can save yourself some real money enabling you to afford to put in a Pickup Up Window off the kitchen and add an express lane to your driveway.
When's the madness going to stop? I'll tell you. When the Man starts wearing the pants in the Family again and the Lady of the House snatches back her bra from the Feminist Fire and they stop allowing society to tell them how to raise their children.
Sounds impossible, doesn't it? That's because of The Joneses. You know the Joneses. That's the Family that draws the blueprint, sets the pace, makes out the schedule, files the flight plan.
Well, The Joneses are Maniacs. The Joneses are Ax Murderers who chop off the head of family values. And what's left in the bloody wake is gross extravagance, a mountain of credit card bills, the kind of competitive spirit sponsored by Tonya Harding, ulcers, high cholesterol and phenomonal profits reaped by every fast food joint in town.
78 years ago, when this country was on the brink of the Great Depression, President Herbert Hoover was said to have promised American families a "car in every garage and a chicken in every pot". Well, today - when this country is probably in worse shape than it was in 1928 - Americans are focusing on putting a HumVee in every garage, but the chicken is in a take-out box at KFC.
When are we going to take back our families? When are parents going to Just Say No to about 90% of their children's extracurricular activities?
It's about time the Head of the Household would put his or her foot down. Put it down under the dinner table, along with the entire family.
Copyright 2006 Wendel Potter
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